Diane, I caught him in bed with the same woman two times. Hesaid nothing happened. She's always calling him and buying himclothes and cars. He said he's just using her for her money. Ithink that I'm the one being used.
We constantly fight. At some points, he hits me or chokes meand calls me very foul names.
Recently, he was locked up for violation of probation. I sendhim money and go to see him often. On one visit I told him aboutthings I found in his home after I went over to clean it up. I founda key to a hotel room, women's clothing and birth control pills.None of this stuff belonged to me.
After I asked him about this, he snapped. He hit me in themouth and called me all kinds of names again. Right out at theprison! In front of everyone! All I could do was look stupid andcry.
I recently found out that he charged an engagement ring for meon this other woman's credit card. He always tells me he loves meand cares for me, and I believe him.
Please, Diane, I need your help before it's too late. Sign me .. .
DUMB, STUPID AND CRAZY
Dear D., S. and C.: It is too late. You have already wasted 16months on this lunatic.
You caught this guy in bed with another woman - twice - and yetyou continue to clean his house, send him money and swallow his lies?Even though he hits you, in front of prison guards, you still likethe idea of an engagement ring - purchased on his lover's creditcard?
Get rid of this loser.
Call a hotline for abused women. Read Women Who Love Too Much byRobin Norwood (Pocket Books, $5.99). Then reread it, and write back.
Dear Diane: I greatly disagreed with your advice to "Stuck," whowas 16 and dating a man who was 24.
I met my husband, "Scot," when I was 14 and he was 23. We havehad a loving, understanding relationship from the beginning. I nevermissed out on any high school or teenage activities I didn't want tomiss. In fact, when I mentioned that I wanted to drop out of schoolat age 16, he told me he wouldn't marry me until I graduated! I didgraduate with a B average.
Scot never held me back. He helped me move forward.
I think this girl should stay with her boyfriend if they arehappy. If this relationship works out like mine did, GREAT! If not,there are other fish in the sea.
As for her parents, Stuck should mention to them casually that"a friend" is dating a much older man and see how they react. Sheshould trust her own instincts on what to do from there.
BEEN THERE
Dear Diane: I have to agree with you in response to "Stuck."
Stuck, take it from me. I've been there. When I was 15, Ibegan dating a man who was 20. Sure, in the beginning it waswonderful. Lots of fun. But then the age difference started to getin the way. His friends did not want to accept me due to my age, andsoon he was trotting off to the bars with them, leaving me homealone!
I finally did grow up. I am now 22 and preparing to marry theman of my dreams. (No, it is not the one I used to date!)
Believe me, Stuck, it may not seem like it now, but you do growup a lot in seven years - not just physically, but mentally,emotionally and spiritually. And this type of growing up is what oneneeds for a healthy love relationship. ALSO "BEEN THERE"
Have a question or comment? Write to Diane Crowley, Box 3254,Chicago, 60654 or leave a message at (312) 321-2989.
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